End-of-term reflection.

This has been an interesting art year for me. I started off in mixed media, which as you know was well, dramatic to say the least. However, to my dismay my mind was quickly opened to a whole new dimension of art. It was no longer a simple paint and pencil on paper, my artistic thoughts were forcefully broadened and to my surprise, I let it happen. I allowed myself to work with wax and cloth and put things where my initial thoughts wouldn't have. The term in mixed media came to a quick end and I found myself deep in the throws of my original safe space, drawing and painting. Shocking as it was, I had never felt more confused. Every time we were given a new assignment, my mind went immediately to the mixed media place in my brain. I soon realized and foolishly believe that I was incapable of creating a really great drawing or painting. I recalled the way I used to feel in art class, my mind didn't have as much control as my hand when it came to drawing. It was as if my body sent the image my eyes saw directly to my arm, skipping my judgmental and second guessing mind that lies in between. However, after mixed media, which was so thought focused, I could no longer let myself just draw without stopping every second to decide whether or not it was, "right". I let this confusion discourage me until I dreaded coming to art class. I felt as though I had lost something so special to me in a matter of weeks. I incorporated paint markers into every project because they helped me circumvent the actual act of painting and after a while I had reached a state of complete boredom. Boredom led to fear as I realized how nervous I was to pick up a pencil and have my ideas that I could on longer paint or draw be proven true. I steered clear of the pencil and in doing so created some cool pieces, including one of my favorites which was paint markers (of course) on tinfoil, this was also pretty easy because it was just recreating another piece that I had already done during a different project. The hardest piece for me was the final project, the symbolic still life which actually consisted of drawing, and as of now is incomplete. I decided to draw all the art I had completed this year which was certainly not the easiest task. Everyday I would come in and sit down only to find myself completely befuddled and nervous, hence why it is still unfinished. I slowly found one aspect of the piece that I could focus on and that made the job a little bit easier. I still love art and I know that, or at least I hope that drawing and painting will soon feel like second nature to me again, but I am also glad that these two terms have gone the way they have. I was forced to deal, or in my case not deal, with an art dilemma this year that I have never had before. Granted it was terribly frustrating and discouraging, it was still a lesson that had to be learned. I know now that I can not allow myself to stop creating art just because it doesn't feel "normal" or "right". I have to let my mind and body tell me what is right and not contradict the ideas that I am presented with or have. So yes, this has been an interesting art year, but an amazing one as well.